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Posts Tagged ‘exercise’

I just finished my day 5 CARDIO…. Oh NAH I didn’t finish the entire video. Insanity, Insanity, Insanity! What I’m not going to do is feel sorry for myself. I will not feel bad that I could not finish. I had 15 minutes left to finish. I just didn’t have it in me. I gave the first 20 minutes my all.

I take martial arts and I couldn’t hang. Oh well! I will try it again the next time that dvd comes up again. Meanwhile, I will keep doing what I am doing. Eat  healthy and love me some me. Everything else will fall in place.

For those that don’t know. I am a picky eater and  I’m GLUTEN free. Now I hate a lot of things. I eat  wholefoods and rarely processed anything. I am not to king on salad or dressings. I rather have meat and a fruit. My area of eating needs a little help.

But let’s go back to me taking martial arts and can’t finish the cardio from Insanity.  It’s been a long six year with me doing martial arts. I get this new video to try to tone up and loose a few pounds and I am beat.

Geesh!

Like I said I am not going to beat myself up. Long as I feel good that I tried is all that matters. I do find it strange I couldn’t finish it.

I do feel great over all. I feel like I am changing my body slowly. I can’t wait to see what my end results will look like.

 

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I completed four days of Insanity. Tonight I will be doing day 5. So far so good. I find that the workout is a challenge.  I am sticking to it. In fact I look forward in dropping a few extra pounds. Anything to get rid of high blood pressure.

I had to get to the point where I had to want to do it for me.

Well it was my breaking point. As a diabetic I stress about my feet and legs the most. However, the meds I suppose to be taking for my high blood pressure  made my ankles and calf swell badly. For me I can’t handle that. I stress, what if it isn’t the meds? What if this or that. Suppose my skin breaks open and I get an infection. I can’t deal with that.

So, I’m changing somethings to be around a little long. It all starts with me.

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I guess this is a before of me that I am willing to show. I don’t know how much weight I am willing to drop, but long as I get rid of HBP (High Blood Pressure) !

 

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I just need to go up stairs and cry my freaking eyes out. Only one problem, it is impossible to do. I went to the nutritionist today. After all the hard work I have been doing for the month. I thought all would be good. I got great numbers only because I won’t eat certain foods. Well my levels are always dropping because of the meds.  I have been exercising every day for a month. I may have taken off a few days to give my body a rest.  Well I thought all was good until I stepped on the scale.

Damn, Damn, Damn! (sorry for the Lango, but if you was me you would say the same thing.)  I gained weight! This is not good for me. The more weight I gain the harder it is to live with diabetes. The key is to lose freaking weight and not gain it. This doesn’t help me at all. The more I gain my meds will be upped.

To say it is muscle that is a long shot. I walked for miles a day. I jogged some. I even got on the elliptical. I did very little weights and still I gained. I ate like a bird (several small meals a day). Yet I denied myself from the foods I like to have. Yet the foods I like is whole grain and not the simple carb stuff. If this is how it is going to be then what the hell am I doing trying to kill myself faster if nothing is helping me.  I have to die some day, but am I killing myself to lose weight that seems like it is not going to happen any time soon. am I killing myself faster because I have to eat way differently because I don’t like a lot of foods. So the foods I do eat is very limited. The good foods I can eat is limited because my sugar will go high with them. It looks like I am just going to have to ride this cart until the fucking wheel fall off.

If this is how my life is going to be then I don’t think I want it.

Now for the other stupid news. I dropped my phone. The window is cracked and a million parts. Now I don’t have a phone. I can’t get it replaced because I don’t have insurance. I can’t get it replaced because my renewal and upgrade is January of next year. So I don’t have a phone. Sucks!

I am at the end of my rope with no hope. I need HELP! Do anyone see me waving my white towel?

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For the last few weeks I have been going to the gym. I don’t see a change yet, but I know something is working. I figured a few things out about myself. One I don’t need to work on my legs. they are in perfect shape. what I need to work on is upper body in general.

I have a gut. This is the leading cause to diabetes. I have this un wanted visitor as well.  I decided that I will not allow this unwanted visitor to take control over me.  I realized I can get full control back.

It is almost like the conversation I had with my oldest long time ago. I had to take my words back and own it. See we had this conversation about self-worth. You have to be careful who you allow to have your self-worth. Some people who you give your self-worth to will crush, drop, break, crack, smash, and maybe do the un-thinkable to it. Not everyone is allowed to hold it. Not everyone deserve to touch it. However, we as humans feel the need to hand it out every time we think it is safe to do so.

I went on to tell her that: when you give it away so easy and you get hurt for what ever so reason. It is because you gave something away that protects you. You left yourself wide open and now the sting is greater than ever.  So take it back and put it in your own hands. Don’t allow anyone to fumble with it. You have control because the sooner you allow someone else to control it or you, they win.

This is how I now have to look a diabetes. I gave it my worth. Now it has control. I test and don’t get the numbers that are perfect or close. So my feelings are hurt. I eat less and not for filled because I am scared of my numbers. I allowed this to get out of control because I was true to me.

Now I been going to the gym to change me and get healthier. This is me now!

 Although I am not happy with my looks. I am working on kicking diabetes in the ass.  Today at the gym I did 5mins on the elliptical, 16 mins on treadmill, 40 push ups, 10 mins on treadmill, 50 push ups, 17 mins on treadmill, and 3 min cool down.

My levels today where good I stayed 120-136 until dinner when I hat 2 hotdog with bun and went to 201. So No more of that. Oh breakfast I had two croaker fish, lunch was a homemade strawberry smoothie ( 1/2c strawberry,1/2c blue and black berries, 1/2 water, 8 pack splenda). Like I mention before I hate a lot of things and this works for me.  I didn’t have any more cranberry juice so I used water.  My levels after this was 129. So it was worth it.

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